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| Cat by Kamwei Fong |
Quarantine Tips from My Cat
Get plenty of rest.
Sleep—anywhere. On or beneath the bed, in a sunny spot, under the covers, by the window, upside-down, on the couch, in the middle of the floor, on top of the refrigerator, in the closet, on your back, in a ball, in a box.
Keep active.
Knock a bunch of coins or small bottles off a table to see how far they bounce and roll. Chase your own tail. Sprawl on top of a good book. Get scared by something—anything—and race out of the room.
Bathe regularly.Clean behind your ears. Now do it again.
Communicate with friends and family.
Start screaming at 6 A.M., for no reason, at anyone within hearing distance. Yowl at the birds. Walk across (or lie down on) a computer keyboard. Cry in front of the closed door to a room you’re not supposed to be in anyway. Bite a phone. Yell into your full bowl of food.
Maintain a balanced diet.
Eat small meals, three to fourteen times a day. Dump food onto the floor for variety. Put your entire hand in a bowl of popcorn but then decide it’s not what you want. Steal a piece of turkey from an unattended sandwich.
Stay hydrated.
Drink plenty of water, ideally directly from a running faucet.
Take on a project.
Hide all of your toys under the couch. Shred loose pieces of paper. Pull apart your roommate’s chair. Rub your hair on every article of clothing you can find. Sh*t in a box and then completely cover it up.
Meditate.
Stare at a spot on the wall or ceiling for six minutes.
Practice social distancing.
Stay away from humans. Hiss if you have to.
Sleep—anywhere. On or beneath the bed, in a sunny spot, under the covers, by the window, upside-down, on the couch, in the middle of the floor, on top of the refrigerator, in the closet, on your back, in a ball, in a box.
Keep active.
Knock a bunch of coins or small bottles off a table to see how far they bounce and roll. Chase your own tail. Sprawl on top of a good book. Get scared by something—anything—and race out of the room.
Bathe regularly.Clean behind your ears. Now do it again.
Communicate with friends and family.
Start screaming at 6 A.M., for no reason, at anyone within hearing distance. Yowl at the birds. Walk across (or lie down on) a computer keyboard. Cry in front of the closed door to a room you’re not supposed to be in anyway. Bite a phone. Yell into your full bowl of food.
Maintain a balanced diet.
Eat small meals, three to fourteen times a day. Dump food onto the floor for variety. Put your entire hand in a bowl of popcorn but then decide it’s not what you want. Steal a piece of turkey from an unattended sandwich.
Stay hydrated.
Drink plenty of water, ideally directly from a running faucet.
Take on a project.
Hide all of your toys under the couch. Shred loose pieces of paper. Pull apart your roommate’s chair. Rub your hair on every article of clothing you can find. Sh*t in a box and then completely cover it up.
Meditate.
Stare at a spot on the wall or ceiling for six minutes.
Practice social distancing.
Stay away from humans. Hiss if you have to.
(taken from The New Yorker)
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